I was idly bored today and started looking to see all the things that could be bought on the internet. This all started by an advertisement I saw on Facebook promising to buy 15kg of carbon offset credits for anyone who filled out a survey. That got me thinking about how much carbon offsets could possibly cost. At a whopping sixty US cents per ton, it isn't a lot.

Naturally, I wanted to buy some. Not only could I spent six dollars on ten tons of carbon offsets, they would also send me a certificate saying what a good job I did saving the environment. Of course I'm not sure how legitimate this all is, but I consider it ridiculous. But, to get a certificate and a feeling of smugness for under 10$ isn't a bad deal, considering the tens of thousands of dollars a Prius costs. As for the superiority complex and rudeness, I already have had them for years.

The next step from there was naming a star after myself. Sadly this isn't an officially sanctioned behavior, but it is still fairly affordable at several webpages. The thing is, I wasn't ready to spend any money on this stuff quite yet, so I decided to wait on the star naming for a while. Instead I checked out the cost and legitimacy of buying property on the moon. Incredibly cheap, and completely illegitimate, it is right up my alley. Unfortunately, I still wasn't ready to spend any money, so gave it a pass, looking for something a little more free.

That was when my friend Max and I got to talking. Our conversation wandered along to talking about becoming a reverend, because it would be cool on business cards. My entire goal is to become a licensed private investigator, because having a business card that reads "Rev. Lasher, P.I." is probably cooler than anything aside from possible astronaut/stunt man. Because of that, I started looking up ways to become a minister. I remember that my friend Chrissy became an ordained minister in order to officiate another Chrissy's wedding, so I knew it was possible, and she had mentioned it was cheap. I started to look into it, and found the Universal Life Church offers free ordination. BINGO! That is exactly what I was looking for.

Since it was what I wanted, I immediately signed up and worked my way through the ordination process. After a long and grueling process, I was given this:



And now I am officially an ordained minister. That online certificate isn't the best for me, but I am going to wait until after my vacation to order the official documents and identification cards. Since you have to pay for them, I figure that I should wait a couple weeks to decide if it is worth it. Besides, they take a couple weeks to ship, and I don't want to have my credentials arrive while I am on vacation.

Being that this is such a momentous occasion, I decided to do something special for myself. After all, throughout my school days, no one ever believed that I would amount to anything, and here I am, an ordained minister! The thing is, I still didn't want to spend any money, so I decided to dig for something special and free. That was when I found it! The perfect thing for a newly ordained minister, I found a website that will name an entire galaxy after you, for free!



So, on the great day of January 31, 2010, not only did I become ordained, but I also had a galaxy named for me (by me). Big things, Literaryhero, big things. In fact, I think I need to lie down.